Dead Ringers - BBC2 - 18th November 2002 - First Section
Okay this really does not read well on the page. The builders might have been actors, but I would like to believe they were genuine local blokes.
First Sequence:-
Close Up of a hand on a copy of the Yellow Pages as we hear the voice over...
| Max: | Hello, is that the builders ? |
Camera pans up to reveal a Roman General - on a cell-phone - hard side light as per Caesar's camp in Germania. He looks good enough to be immediately recognisable and the "Shakespeare, two pints of lager after lunch" growl finished the effect. Hair is not dark enough, but we get the picture!
| Max: | Excellent, my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. It's my home in St Albans. It has been destroyed and I would like you to try and fix it. I need to know how much. Can you see me in the morning. |
Cut to Verulamium - on site !
Throughout the rest of this skit, Max and the builder are walking round the Roman ruins - pointing out the various improvements required.
Max is standing in furs and a red cape - builder is in usual jeans and brown bomber jacket (looks a bit like Russell in his Sunday best LOL) with note pad, clip board and tape measure under arm.
| Max: | So they have told you about our requirements for this site ? |
Builder1: | No, I know nothing, all I was asked was to come down today and speak to you, erm... |
| Max: | I see. |
Builder1:: | and that there was some work you needed doing, and to have a word with you - and see what...... |
| Max: | I see. |
Builder1: | ....see what the situation was |
| Max: | So no communication from Quintas ? |
Builder1: | Nope |
| Max: | Quintas is one of my allies |
Builder1: | oh right |
| Max: | fine soldier of the Felix Legions |
The builder smirks and seems to spot camera
| Max: | .....Slaughtered |
Builder1: | Oh yeah. What, what....what is your.....what are your needs at the moment.....what do you require ? |
| Max: | Well, we need to fortify these walls. Strong enough to repel invasion...from Visgoths, or the Huns, or the Barbarians. We must be ready for invasion at any time......and the Triumphal Arch (pointing in distance) - er there isn't any kind of truimphal arch there, so um.....we might put one in. |
Builder1: | Have you got any drawings as to how high you wanna bring 'em up or, or are there any special openings or features you want in them or ? |
| Max: | I did have such drawings on slate, but they were stolen by Proximo and Graccus and placed far away. |
The builder is now finding it hard not to laugh
| Max: | Secondly, it's best if we can er... see over in this corner here |
They wander over to a short wall surrounded by gravel
| Max: | If we just kneel down, you get a better view |
Max kneels down and the builder crouches
| Builder1: | Right |
| Max: | Kneel with me brother. |
Max picks up a handful of soil (well, it's stones actually, but I'm sure if they'd given the prop department more warning it could have been soil - on the other hand, stones are quicker because the sound communicates the action faster - you can tell I'm a filmmaker, can't you!)
| Max: | Feel the earth between our hands (pause)and rub it together for good measure. |
The builder is giggling a little nervously
Max puts his hand on his shoulder
| Max: | you are now my brother of the soil. Yes, we shall see many glories here. |
Builder1: | mumbles something. |
| Max: | Our enemies will feel cursed that they were not here.
|
They stand up and Max produces a sword
| Max: | Slice this through a mans flesh and they will love you for that. What is your name? |
Builder1: | Mick |
| Max: | Mick? I shall call you Mickus. |
They shake hands then Max starts tapping the sword
| Max: | Be victorious by the sword, Mickus, you too shall win your freedom. |
Max cuts himself
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